Friday, October 9, 2009

On Forgiveness ~ Part 1

I recently had the chance to share my testimony at our "Magnificent Monday" Bible study. As I was speaking, I could tell that parts of my journey were significantly impacting a dear woman (I'll call her Dee ~ not her real name), who was sitting at a slight angle to my right. Later that evening, I shared with my friend Julie, "If sharing my testimony was just to reach Dee, it was worth it. Something that I said really got to her. God is doing something huge in her life."
Little did I know...

Just a few days later, I received a very real, yet heartbreaking e-mail from Dee. I share it with you today with Dee's full permission.

Hi Cindy,

Your testimony was very powerful this past Monday night. I cried a lot
That night. Actually, most of the way home too. My friend suggested I
Email you.

I can not forgive myself for turning to drugs. I started drugs right after I graduated
High school, when my parents kicked me out of the house. No actually I was already
Smoking pot then. I did not stop until 1991 right after my mother in law died.

I neglected my children most of their life and have tried very hard to make it up to them.
I have not been very successful where my daughter is concerned. I am trying to be
A Christian mother and grandmother. I gave my life back to God in 2001, a year
Before my husband died. We were married to 27 years.

Since his death, I have watched the poor choices my children have made, and all I can
Do is scold myself for being so selfish when they were little. The most important thing
In my life at that time was being high.

I believe the only reason for me still being alive is my dad prayed and prayed. I love
To listen to his prayers now.

My heart is sick over the way I have behaved. I am happy that I stopped doing drugs since
1991, and I have no desire for them. I wish I could have a do over life.

How did you forgive yourself? What am I missing? I have been able to forgive my parents
For throwing me out of the house, Oh,, that did take some time. I love them so very much.
But I am so mad at myself. I cannot seem to get away from self condemnation.

Your Friend,

Wow, huh?? I just stared at my computer and wept. And then I prayed, "Oh Lord, how can I encourage Dee?? Please give me Your Words to share!"

Continued on my next post...

P.S. Thank you for your kind words and prayers as I've been battling my latest round of sickness!! I am excited to say I'm feeling slightly better ~ it's now more of a nagging cough/cold rather than the flu! I am PRAYING that I will be completely healed by Monday night! I cannot miss Bible Study two weeks in a row!! I miss all the Magnificent Women!! :)


Faith Imagined said...

My heart goes out to Dee! I know that God is pleased with her life and has forgiven her of her mistakes. That's the power of the cross!

Dee must understand that God purposely chose her kids to be born to her, knowing full well the hardships that they would face. He would only do this if they were strong enough to handle it and if He could redeem the situation.

All of us excperience circumstances that are hard as kids, and I honestly believe God matches the harship with His grace. The tougher the situation, the more grace He gives.

When I think of the orphans dying alone in the city streets, I fervently cling to the fact that they are surrounded by a host of helpers blind to the human eye.

God loves His children. Where we as parents fail, God will overcompensate with His favor!

If Dee's children are adults, they are still accountable to the same choice all humankind is accountable to: will you follow Christ or not? No one can make that decision for them.

Deborah Ann said...

Wow! That comment really spoke to my heart! To think that God knew all of this before it even happened, that He was and is in control. There are no accidents. That takes such a load off, doesn't it? We make so many mistakes, and then we start feeling like God probably won't give us any more chances. Very good insight!

Thanks for stopping in at my poetry blog, Cindy. My main blog is '' That's where I usually am, if you ever want to check it out.


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