tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post5681039348978514108..comments2024-01-17T23:01:25.718-05:00Comments on She Sparkles: What Should I Say? (Responding in the midst of grief)Cindy Bultemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00436198925174853578noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-77240754514813080302011-04-20T15:57:40.693-04:002011-04-20T15:57:40.693-04:00Such a wonderful post. I am bookmarking it for fu...Such a wonderful post. I am bookmarking it for future reference. Would that I would never need it, but anyway.<br /><br />I am sorry to hear this tragic story, and will pray for comfort.Maggie S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10730118801391139440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-90721563608310358092011-04-20T11:19:21.799-04:002011-04-20T11:19:21.799-04:00There were two fires that claimed the lives of peo...There were two fires that claimed the lives of people in G.R. last Thursday night. The other you just haven’t heard much about. He happened to be my mom’s best friend. He was 71, an alcoholic, a fiend smoker, estranged from his 3 grown children and a grandfather to boys he had never met. He had the chance to meet one of them last year, but didn’t feel he was put together enough and wanted to leave a good lasting impression for his Grandson. He was INCREDIBLY generous with the little he had and fully enjoyed talking with people. He was trapped by his vices and many people couldn’t get past that to see the kindness that he longed to share.<br /><br />As people were contacted this past week about his death, I was disappointed by their response or lack of it. If were being honest we well know, it is far easier to love, be drawn to, seek out and boast of friendships to those who are beautiful, well spoken, exuberant, accomplished, young, well to do and socially soaring. It’s the lowly outcasts, the less than pretty, the awkward, the downtrodden that challenge our capacity to accept and love. My mom’s friend was the later of the two. I think he was the kind of person Jesus would have spent time with.<br /><br />His addictions caused hardships for him and his family in life. His kids will have to work through the anger, the hurt that comes from the forgiveness that was never given and the loss of hope for a renewed relationship with their Dad. In the end though, he was still their Dad…a person…a child of GOD.<br /><br />I am in awe at the outpouring for the Taatje family by their church community and the community beyond, complete strangers loving on them. That’s how it should be! At the same time it saddens me that a family dealing with loss due to similar circumstances is missing out on that very thing. Oh, how they would be impacted by that same love and compassion by complete stangers. Perhaps even more so, to be shown how God’s Love supersedes our shortcomings, that social standards are not a barrier for Him, that His people can love beyond those standards as well, that His people could love their dad and them. <br /><br />I’m not pointing the finger, just sharing my observations of the past week and sadly realizing a missed opportunity.<br /><br />Life is hard, isn’t it?Natasha Ohlmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04165548769175489546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-1463495212753731672011-04-17T20:26:49.695-04:002011-04-17T20:26:49.695-04:00Sorry for your loss and will hold the Taatje famil...Sorry for your loss and will hold the Taatje family up in prayer. Your so right with what you say...my friend of 30 years passed away 3 weeks ago suddenly leaving 5 children. Some days they want to hear stories about their mum when she was younger and others just being there is what is needed. Have a blessed week.Amanda Troughthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06065774506000203979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-73566670449434990412011-04-17T19:49:36.762-04:002011-04-17T19:49:36.762-04:00I'm so sorry to read of this tragedy. I think...I'm so sorry to read of this tragedy. I think you've offered some very helpful and practical advice for things to say and do (and not) to those grieving. <br /><br />Hope you're doing ok, Cindy.Heidi Pocketbookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11312503490326882566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-36979209386002205302011-04-17T17:58:03.229-04:002011-04-17T17:58:03.229-04:00Cindy,
Thank you for the gift of your post. I a...Cindy,<br /><br />Thank you for the gift of your post. I applaud your courage, by sharing your story you have helped others find their voice in a difficulty and painful situation. Your suggestions are going to help many avoid the mind fields so that they do not inadvertently in flicked pain while discussing the loss of a loved one. My heart aches for the Taatjes, that young family is blessed to have the support of your community. <br />I would like to take this opportunity to let everyone know that this past Friday was National Healthcare Decisions Day. Please take this opportunity to sitting down with your loved ones today and discuss what your wishes are at the end of life! <br />As a hospice nurse I have worked with many families left to ‘figure’ out what their loved one may or may not have wanted with regards to end of life care decisions and funeral arrangements. Not once have I heard a family say I wish mom/dad/brother/sister/grandma or grandpa did not have their wishes written out so I that we could debate what they might have been. Out lining your advance directives and final wishes is truly the best gift you can ever give them. It enables your loved one to feel confident they can make the right decisions for you when you can no longer make them. For more information on advance directives go to www.caringinfo.org and www.agingwithdignity.com.<br />Prayers and blessing for your community as you rally around the Taatjes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-53033138915744868212011-04-17T01:46:08.304-04:002011-04-17T01:46:08.304-04:00I am so sorry to hear about this tragedy. I will r...I am so sorry to hear about this tragedy. I will remember to say a prayer for this family. Thank you for sharing this post.BARBIEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537827307867912139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-79936299248800461252011-04-16T20:42:45.374-04:002011-04-16T20:42:45.374-04:00Cindy, I am so sorry to hear of this tragedy. It i...Cindy, I am so sorry to hear of this tragedy. It is hard to know exactly what to say during those times of grief because everyone deals with it so differently. My husband lost his 4yr old daughter the year before I met him. He still goes through moments. I just try to be there and be understanding of his loss. What helped me when my dad died was just knowing that a person was there to listen if I needed them. Your post was beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.Keenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04872631822031248926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-76351653930583129342011-04-16T13:09:31.667-04:002011-04-16T13:09:31.667-04:00Cindy, we so often do not know what to say - this ...Cindy, we so often do not know what to say - this is not only helpful, but loving - to both the grieving and those of us who wish to comfort. Thank you so much for this gift of love to us all.Gingerhttp://ginger.sisson@sbcglobal.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-44697799448116699182011-04-16T12:10:21.731-04:002011-04-16T12:10:21.731-04:00This is so helpful! Thanks so much! Praying for th...This is so helpful! Thanks so much! Praying for that sweet familyEricahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13405565388293290769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-66340192437333378462011-04-16T09:58:39.898-04:002011-04-16T09:58:39.898-04:00Oh. just oh. because i've suffered a tragic lo...Oh. just oh. because i've suffered a tragic loss as well, i have been able to help my students with what to say and what not to say to kids who come to school after a friend or parent died. I have middle schoolers and they always want to know the details of the death so I have to tell them not to ask questions about how it happened. I tell them that the bereaved will talk when he/she is ready. Praying for this sweet young mom and daughter.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01356183036852710510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5104359169425872233.post-66946674538158780742011-04-16T04:32:16.674-04:002011-04-16T04:32:16.674-04:00Cindy,
this is a wonderfully practical post. I c...Cindy, <br /><br />this is a wonderfully practical post. I cannot imagine how devastated you were. God bless you for ministering out of your grief. Praying blessings over this precious family.Leah Adamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10888422138033372220noreply@blogger.com